Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My Weakness...My 'Nervous' System :(

Another new day, another new day to say Hello...

It has been a while since i post entry about nothing. Yelah. Since Bali, almost all my entries were Bali related. It is time already for me to blog about something else. Dunno where to start. Maybe i can start with my bad weakness.

Sajelah nak cite and give few hypothesis dulu:

Case 1 : Terlampau risau dengan final year project sampai terkontang-kanting study aku. Aku sanggup carry the paper and waste few semester just to avoid FYP which sooner or later i would have to do gak. Complete waste of time of 'running away'.

Case 2: My very first huge deployment. Yes. This deployment was my baby. I engaged to it from the testing phase to the rollout phase. And sure i did several project rollouts before but this was actually the biggest one because we're applying a change in the centralized server hosting for over 30 production applications. So this was a high risk deployment. Really afraid of the outcome, i almost had a breakdown hours before the implementation at to one point, i forgot my own pc login id and also, i had a aching headache as a result from the high blood pressure.

Case 3: Had death calling moments last year from what i thought was rheumatoid arthritis-like sickness. Yes, this was a result from the misdiagnosis from a crappy doctor. I had a breakdown for months. I was imagining my life would be as a cripple everyday. I quit a lot of things during that period. Things i love the most at the time, cigarette( not a bad thing though). And i was much closer to God at the time than ever before( thanks for this sickness). Turned out, it was (only) months of acute gout which may be painful but also manageable. Sighh.......

Those were among the weakness i've been having in my 26 years of life. Yes. I am a nervous wreck. Clearly i am nervous about almost anything. First time i meet new people, my study, my life. When i am nervous, i imagine the worst-case scenario which hold me from doing the thing i suppose to do. Head up high and go through it. Yes. I got through all those above things but with 'dishonorably'. And worse of all, i ran from it,take cover or do whatever from the things i should really do. What should i change for this chicken behavior of mine? But definitely giving up Kentucky Fried Chicken is not an option lar.Ngeh.ngeh.Lawak bangang sat. I think this should be made into my new year resolution. Hopeful thinking, reality in the making. Chaiyok,chaiyok Azadi!!!

Current mood : Office mode but it's time to go home already..TATA :)

No comments:

Post a Comment